The day is drawing near that my last baby begins transition to school and I’m a complete wet rag about the whole thing.
Teared up on several occasions standing in a prep classroom during prep transition info night? Check. Extra tears upon the thought of her not being able to open her lunchbox? Check.
Staring wistfully at mums taking toddlers home after school dropoff? Check.
Worrying that she won’t jump into school as eagerly as her older sister and will need a bit of extra help? Check.
Feeling guilty any time anything takes me away from spending time with her because time is running out so fast? Check.
Wondering if I have fully been present these last six years with babies at home because I’ll never get this time again and did I waste any of it and should I have let them watch less tv and do more craft and did I work too much and we totally should have gone to the museum a lot more and why can’t I remember everything clearly because endless days at home with little kids just blend into each other but all I have to go on is a vague sense of panic I didn’t do enough? Checkcheckcheckcheckcheckcheckkkkkkkk.
I’ve really enjoyed this phase of my life and while I wouldn’t say I’m having a hard time letting go, I would definitely say I’m having emotions as this transition to a new phase happens. EMOTIONS. BIG ONES. It is an ending of sorts, and while they always come with new beginnings, I’m just aware it will take a little getting used to. Theoretically I know everything will be fine and we’ll adjust as you do (and she’s been fully comfortable running around this school and its inhabitants for two years now, so acclimatising isn’t a concern), but right now the feeeelings are a bit of a struggle. It’s not even that my children will be elsewhere six hours a day five days a week, but that I’ve not made the most of the time I was given. But I had to? I’m sure I did? I just don’t remember it!
I think I will just have to try and flip it around and think of things to look forward to instead of mourning what is over, and perhaps go easy on myself for the parenting job done so far. I’m definitely over-thinking it but try telling my brain to chill. I’m not usually one for self-flagellation (life’s too short and worrying gives you wrinkles am I right or am I right), but this topic seems to be a new favourite thing with which to torture myself. Suggestions welcome for pleasant distractions once school starts. I vote getting a dog and writing a book… what are your thoughts? (the eating of salty carbs is a fantastic recommendation, too. In fact I’ll probably do that most).
*stares moodily out the window*