I have this friend. She’s a blogger. She’s super-nice, and she puts up with way more shit every single day than I could deal with in a lifetime.
She barely speaks a word about it, but it would have to be like being pecked to death by hens – every day, every time she does her work, someone, somewhere is bitching at her.
She posted a picture of her daughter’s curly hair straightened, after her daughter finally wore her down with begging to try it – someone chided her for letting her daughter experiment because she should be happy with the hair she has.
She posted a picture of a trolley, and somebody admonished her for leaving her handbag open.
She posted a picture of a pink plastic deer head on her wall, and received emails accusing her of encouraging hunting and animal abuse.
The first day she was home with her newborn and other daughter alone after her husband went back to work, she posted that she had successfully navigated the day solo. She was inundated with single mums on Facebook calling her a weak bitch and that she shouldn’t say “solo parenting” because real single parents had such a hard time and were sick of people talking about how hard it was when they weren’t single parents themselves. They also tagged their single friends into the fight so they could all ambush her.
When months upon months of only sleeping one or two hours a night finally took their toll and she admitted defeat and called someone in to help the baby sleep, someone went on a rant and accused her of being a bad mother because she couldn’t “handle it herself” and had chosen to “throw money at her problem” instead of just sucking it up, like the commenter was.
When her sister named her baby something unusual, someone commented pretty harshly about the sanity of the mother, and upon finding out her comment had been deleted, went on an email rant with the old chestnut “bloggers only want people to agree with them, otherwise they delete comments”. No, that person had been a straight-up fuckwit and didn’t deserve to have her unnecessary nastiness displayed for all to see. That’s different.
She has a wonderful community endeavour where she shares four images from the people playing along with her challenge, for no other reason than it’s nice to highlight a job well done. Sometimes one of those images has been swiped from someone else (and that’s hard to tell just by looking!) and if she’s not there to sort it out immediately (because she’s out, you know, living her life), the comment thread can get super-nasty. Like she’s profiting off other people’s stolen images and laughing at them all from the top of her giant pile of money.
She created an iPhone app that cost her thousands of dollars and when sold, only just paid for itself. Android users across the universe keep demanding a version for their devices, getting lippy while they’re at it. They tell her she’s making a bad business decision, and that she doesn’t care about her fans because she doesn’t have the $50,000 it would cost to convert the app to their preferred operating system.
When she replies, they email and tell her she’s rude.
Imagine every single time you touched your phone, someone was whingeing that you’re doing something wrong, or you’re just not good enough.
And yet, still she blogs. Because she loves it. And she’s awesome at it. And yes, to an extent one must endure a bit of biff when you are so well-known. But as we all know, the internet is full of people who shoot first and ask questions later, who unload their assholery all over the world, and confuse opinions with knowledge. I also call bullshit on that “you put yourself out there so you should be able to take criticism” business. Criticism (to a point) of one’s work, yes. Enduring your late night wine-fueled hate rant, no.
It kills me because it’s so unnecessary, and most of the time is so unfounded. They clearly have no idea of what kind of person she is, or they would never say what they do. I don’t know how she does it. Every single day. And this is only the half of it. I shudder to think what goes on in her email inbox, or whatever else is happening on threads I don’t see.
To be fair, sometimes it’s not all malicious. The world is vast, and there’s a million different opinions (all correct, of course). So it’s natural to have someone comment with an opposite view. But even if they’re not being mean about it it, if it’s on every single thing you share with your audience, it can get a bit draining. You can’t please everybody, and they’ll tell you so. Even if it’s kindly.
I had lunch with another blogger recently, who is very well-known and super-well-loved. She too has been henpecked half to death with people wanting to tell her she’s wrong, that they’re disappointed in her, and that she’s not trying hard enough. She has a chocolate? There’s palm oil in that, how dare she. She watches a TV show? Only idiots watch that show. She likes a movie? One of the stars of that movie then went on to make a TV show 20 years later that had some slightly misogynistic undertones, she should be ashamed of herself.
Over lunch we talked about being asked for blogging advice, and that lots of people would dearly love to know how to make it big, how to crack that ceiling, and be the top of the blogging food chain. “Do they really?”, she asked, sadly. It’s obviously a double-edged sword.
The benefits though, are numerous. Paid to blog? Making a living doing what you love? Creating a career on your own terms, forging new media paths, feeling part of a community, people across the world telling you nice things and liking what you do, picking up the kids from school every day? There are major upsides. And some would say being the receptacle of the collective dickheadery of the internet is worth it for that kind of freedom. But as humans, it wears you down, no matter how badass you think you might be. It seems ungrateful to talk about the everyday sledging you get, because tons of people want to be in your shoes, and you know how lucky you are. If you can’t take the heat, you’re supposed to get out of the kitchen. But really, people should just stop setting fire to shit.
Oh this post just breaks my heart. No one should EVER have to endure this kind of abuse online, in real-life – anywhere.
This blogger you speak of, for the record, I think she’s pretty awesome and I can’t wait until 8/9 when her new blogging course starts 🙂
no, no-one should, but it’s still gonna happen! They say get a thick skin, but that’s so difficult for some people. Obviously there’s worse things going on in the world, but watching your friend get hammered just for sharing her blog on the internet is a bit rough.
Ironically it’s her ‘thin-skin’ – her raw vulnerability – that makes her so likeable and easy to connect with.
I think that’s the thing with blogging, it connects everyone because it’s real. But there’s always someone out there thinking it’s not real enough, it’s boring, she shouldn’t write about X, putting standards on blogs and bloggers that they then get to take potshots at for not reaching. I don’t understand why we need to expect things from bloggers and then bitch when it’s not met. Just read it, don’t read it, go have a beer, whatever.
I was thinking about this type of thing the other day after seeing Julie Bishop getting accosted outside an event. Yes, it’s a different category of public-ness and she has a completely different type of power, but people really doesn’t deserve to be yelled at and jostled and have things thrown at them in public or over the internet. Abbott and Pyne and fellows might make me want to, but even they don’t deserve it.
Ha yeah I’m all for free speech, and passionate free speech at that. But be sensible about it! The problem with the internet is you can upload your thoughts the second you have them. Someone must really hate Julie Bishop that much that they got dressed, out of the house, found something to throw, made it to the event, and still went through with it!
It just comes down to people feeling shit about themselves. It has nothing to do with FMS, but she is gorgeous and generous and clever and people don’t like it. Because they are small in every way. Well a small section of them. She is loved by so many x
I agree, but whether it’s nothing to do with her or not, she still has to see it and read it. I get the feeling it’s more the people who don’t read her blog that behave like that. And you know full well how annoying it is when people judge you harshly for the made-up version of you they have created! Bitches be wack.
So agree with you on that Mrs Woog. Such an awesome post Stacey. I had no idea Chantelle coped so much flack. She is so amazing and such a good person – so undeserved.
It’s tough watching her go through it. A more undeserving person, I’ve never met.
AMEN! I have just started to cop some shit in recent times and it has caught me off guard – because I would never speak to someone like that. But I handle it the best I can and keep being me, because most people who follow/read what I do enjoy it. I can’t even imagine what the likes of Chantelle and other big names have to deal with, but I love what she does and I will continue to support her in any way I can – even if I am just a small name. Positivity Rules!
I think that’s the best way – keep being you, and the people who like that will stay. There’s lots to be said for finding your tribe! I’m sad you’re starting to get it now though. It’s unfathomable that such nice people can elicit such assholery in people. I just don’t get it.
That sucks Sonia! I wondered whether your post “a little note from me” was to clarify some negative feedback about sponsored posts. Keep writing lovely and focus on that dream of yours! You’re an inspiring pocket rocket of a blog. Can’t wait to meet you at Problogger. X
Sonia I am trawling? (NOT trolling) you on Pinterest.. I log in each night and steal all your good ideas and motivational posts 🙂
You are not as *small* as you think… you are more ‘the next big thing’
Wow. That is a huge compliment. You’ve rendered me speechless – no easy task! Thank you. x
I had no idea that person had endured such negativity! I love her app and her photo a day. It’s made me enjoy taking photos even though I’m crap at it. How sad. I don’t blog they much even though I love it and I’ve really only had a few nasty comments which have been really hurtful. Must be demoralizing to be attacked like that so often.
I think nobody ever really takes it well! Especially when they’re designed to hurt the recipient. Sorry you’ve had to go through that 🙁
That is so disappointing to hear…the community you speak of appears so lovely and warm, and she certainly creates a warm, kind environment. It’s so strange to think people can pop in and be nasty with all that loveliness…I don’t know how she does it either. There is a major benefit of having a teeny weeny blog that only good supporters know about. It’s the lack of criticism. When I run my blogging course, I tell them how great it is to have a blog because you create your own community and set your own rules. If you don’t like the controversy, you don’t create it. But of course all that goes out the window when you have enough followers, for some reason. It’s one of the major drawbacks of the internet. I have stopped submitting pieces to major media sites. It’s way too nasty out there. x
Oh hahah yeah, I wouldn’t do that! I quite like my relative anonymity and the niceness of my small bloggy crowd. Getting bigger just seems to bring that kind of interaction with not-so-nice people, whether you court controversy or not. Even the well-meaning people can be draining. I love that people feel comfortable enough to tell me their opinions, and usually I can tell when someone’s having a dig and when they’re just sharing. I cannot fathom what it would be like on a global scale. Augh!
Your new design looks great by the way.
Hee hee thank you! I’ve been having a lot of fun with it x
This is the precise reason I’ve decided blogging is not for me. So much unjustified hate.
Oh no! That’s so, so sad. I have found it to be a wonderful, supportive, amusing place. The hate is bad. And it’s not going away 🙁
The sense of intimacy you get when you read someone’s blog seems to give some people a sense of license to criticise and judge. I don’t understand when people are reading personal blogs why they would make comments they would never make to a person’s face. I read a lot of political blogs and commentary online and you expect a level of debate and pure venting but there is a lot of personal, foul abuse that goes over the line. Perhaps we’ll all grow up soon and learn some manners.
Oh yeah, the comments on political stories are intense! And news.com.au comments are vile. I’m pretty sure nobody is growing up, and nobody is getting manners, but it is a shame that comment threads on the internet are something to be avoided.
OH MY FREAKING GOD! IF I DIDN’T LOVE YOU ENOUGH ALREADY!!! AND yep I’ve just abused the capslock AND the apostrophe AND I’m not AFRAID TO DO IT AGAIN!!!!!
Yes, check yo self internet. Put your manners back on. Or go have a little lie down.
Do you know what I’ve been telling myself to make myself feel better when someone is nasty, “Dang girl, she needs a good root.”
Because if you can’t laugh, you cry. {And I do both}.
Shut up and buy me a beer.
get a room ; )
that was a joke
Ha ha ha. But we will get a room, and a beer. 😛
I’ll bring the beer
Ha! Good roots are important.
I honestly don’t know how you do it C. Watching what you guys all have to put up with always makes me think ‘cracking it ‘big time’ is just not what it’s cracked up to be’!! The friggen negativity!
Also- knowing what you guys put up with makes me twice as grateful that you just keep on keeping on being generally awesome. The world would be a poorer place without Chantelle’s voice x
🙁 you don’t deserve that kind of rubbish, lovely. What is with people? :/
Thanks Kellie. I don’t get it either.
I was so angry when I read this, especially when I realised it was you, Chantelle! You have the biggest heart, the kindest soul and the most creative mind, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to be so unkind. Clearly it says so much more about them than it does about you. Some people clearly need to get a life (and some manners while they’re at it!)
Was it weird reading an article about yourself? I was reading it going – I know who this is!!! At first I thought Stacey was talking about herself… you know ‘a friend’ but somewhere I realised it was you Chantelle. Nice work Stacey, brain officially twisted! Chantelle, keep on trucking beautiful x
Oh vomit, no! I would never talk about myself like that! I’d say “bitches, stop giving me shit”.
I was wondering who it was at first, thinking her friend sounds like me!
Chantelle and Stacey, you are both wonderful humans who make the internet a great place to be. Love your work ladies. xx
I am so sorry to hear that there is so much negative things going on. I really love the photo a day. And I just missed all the nasty
comments when I asked you why the fab 4 was behind on schedule. Here we say ” you have people and used teabags” Don’t let the tea bags win !
Hey Jet. I can’t see where you asked me that actually. xxx
For all the assholes, there are thousands of others who love your work Chantelle!
Thanks Toni. I really appreciate it. x
YES! I love this. I too, happen to love the shit out of the person you are talking about here. PEOPLE SUCK as a rule…. but Chan does not. Not one tiny bit. She is the bees fucking knees.
I love that you wrote this. Even Bees Knees need Bees Ankles for support sometimes x
I’m putting that on my resume. “Bee’s Ankles for Fat Mum Slim”.
Right back at ya! Mutual love-fest. x
I’m a silent follower of yours Chantelle and I’ve honestly no idea how you stay sane sometimes, especially with photo a day! People are just a bit cruel. Well done Stacey for this post, maybe people will think twice next time xxx
Thanks T. Hubby has had to calm me down a fair few times, and I just look at my girls and realise what really matters in life.
It sucks sometimes, but othertimes there are people like Stacey and you. x
Love and admire you so much! Big hugs, smile while you hold your head high with the rest of your adoring fans, swig on your drink and think “Fuck em! Fuck the lot of them!” Xxx
Bags being on the cool support crew too. Chanters you are one of the most beautiful, original, creative people I’ve ever met. xxxxxx
Thank you Eden. Thank you. x
You know what? Putting yourself out there isn’t even an excuse. I read a lot of blogs and sites and I don’t always agree but I don’t feel the need to tear the person down. It astounds me that other people will. I have only ever seen you be kind and thoughtful online and it makes me sad and angry that you wouldn’t be treated the same way, whether people disagree with you or not. 🙂
Thanks Sherry. xx
I’m sorry I asked for the Android version. But at least I was nice about it. Love your work, Chantelle and I’m sorry there are so many arseholes out there who feel the need to bring people down.
Oh it’s fine to ask about it! It’s all in the delivery. x
Lord.. as one of the few non-Appleites in the world I am ALWAYS asking for an Android version of everything!… WHEN will Martha Stewart cross over to the dark side so I can flick the mags 😉
So sad that you even have to write this, Stacey. Why is it that people are so quick to behave atrociously online when they wouldn’t dream of doing it face to face? Bullies, cowards and just plain rude. Thanks for the post, it’s a good reminder to us all to be kind (EVERYWHERE!) xo
Because it’s easy! And some people truly love it. But the rest of us roll our eyes and roll up our sleeves.
Sing it sista!
I feel as though I should have some kind of musical accompaniment.
It takes a strong character to keep plugging along when you get hit with such criticism. Even when you know it’s their own problem. Even when you know they are just miserably unhappy and it’s not about you. Even knowing all that, I think it’s truly a person content and secure in themselves that can push through and do what they love. Kudos is what I say.
Couldn’t have said it better myself! That’s why you’re the clever one and I’m your comedy relief 😉
oh whoa VM – its a tough gig this blogging thingy 😉 – I mean seriously don’t these people have anything else to do – so easy to hide behind a keyboard – I love reading the blogs I follow the updates the pictures I feel like im your buddy – ummm now when are we having that snickers popcorn and glass of vino VM???? I hope your friend keeps going if its who I think it is I love her blog – keep posting and ill keep reading and laughing and crying and sighing along with you ;))))))
Haha oh what I wouldn’t give for that snickers popcorn RIGHT NOW
Even just the fear of the abuse that hasn’t yet come can be crippling. I have said it before but happy to say it again and again…the emotional tools that such bloggers use to cope with this criticism would be an amazing session at a blogging conference. Because just saying “ignore it” isn’t enough. Or maybe it is, but some of us must have paper thin skin and are so busy protecting ourselves that we don’t manage much else.
Oh for sure, “ignore it” doesn’t work long-term. It can be so demoralising. And while I get 1% of what she does, I definitely have self-censored with what I share. And somewhere along the way I forgot to give my readers the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone is out there to attack you. But hell, a lot are, and that anxiety between post and response can be agonising. I hate that people are feeling that 🙁
It’s ridiculous how society has become so awful on the internet, which is spilling over into real life. Why is it now acceptable to say or do anything we please? I’ve written about this very topic a few times & it still makes me so angry that people can be so shit towards others. I’ve only been slagged off a few times on M.S.S but I don’t post personal things on the site for this very reason. To be honest, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. It only takes one negative thing to affect my depression, so I don’t put myself in that position.
I admire the strength of the bigger bloggers for dealing with it. C doesn’t deserve the crap she receives.
Just because you CAN say something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD!
I love the internet, but its one huge negative how people can sit behind a computer screen and write/say what they’d never actually say to your face. You can never please everybody! It’s disappointing when people get so nasty about pointless stuff. I’m sure she knows it, but Chantelle your work is loved by more than those who criticise you for it x
Some of it is unbearably pointless! sometimes they pick on the weirdest things to give you shit about. Ack.
I have to admit, this is the main reason I’ve procrastinated about starting a blog for so long. I LOVE writing, LOVE the geek side, LOVE the creativity – in so many ways it would be an amazing outlet for me. But if I’m brutal, it’s fear of that nastiness and of “putting my head above the parapet” that holds me back. Which sucks!!
And it shows that for you guys who are doing the great work and creating amazing communities, it takes courage as well as skills to persevere and succeed. So thanks for being brave – and may karma rain down on the asshats who tarnish it for you and the people who love you.
I can see how it would have that effect, but I wish it wouldn’t! There’s so much good to be had! But yeah, it takes work. And sometimes thick skin x
People are NASTY! I remember somebody mentioning how they were receiving shit on GOMI on their blog last year, I hadn’t heard of it before so hopped over to have a look and couldn’t believe the hatred and vitriol being spewed. If you really don’t like somebody’s blog, just don’t follow it, simple as. What is WRONG with people? It does put me off trying to make my blog bigger sometimes but then I think ‘Don’t let the haterz get ya doooooown’. I genuinely believe that it stems from jealousy and they really need to go away and sort their own lives out. If only people lived by the advice of the rabbit mother in Bambi: ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all’….
!
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/bf/bf648b700d8be79f307cde4fbfae4f516360e49225342d3332216fa5e71e049c.jpg
I love how your sticking up for them, thats what makes the blogging community so great.
Well, she’s a good egg, and I just couldn’t take it any more!
I too, call bullshit on the whole ‘you’ve put yourself out there so you should be up for the criticism & negativity’ thing. Obviously blogging is a much broader platform, but essentially what you are doing is attempting to engage people in a conversation, in the same way we do when we are in real world* social contexts. So really, we ‘put ourselves out there’ every time we initiate or join in a discussion in the real world too, and it certainly isn’t considered acceptable to throw verbal abuse or contempt or vitriol at someone when we are face to face, so why on earth would hiding behind a screen make it acceptable?
Fight the good fight, ladies – and try not to let those assholes git ya down.
(obviously what happen over the internet constitutes the ‘real world’ too – I just mean in-person social contact!)
oh wow, so true! I never thought of it like that.
Some people are dickheads. Some people are not. Unfortunately you can’t choose your readers.
Up until I started Pips blogging course & joined some blogging groups I truly didn’t realize how many people have blogs. The world is full of people putting themselves out there for others to read. All thoughts, ideas & hopes I had of ever doing something with my blog are gone. I’m leaving that to those of you who do it well.
I hope none of you that I love & read everyday ever let the dickheads stop you. I’ll happily call them in the middle of the night & let one of my babies cry down the line. That’ll piss ’em off. See how they like whingers butting into their life!
Gone? Whyyyyyy?
I just see how many people are out there wanting to make it( & willing to do almost anything to get there) & that really I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t been said before by people who write better than I do ( & use less profanity). I’m not going to stop blogging, I’m loving it & have learnt so much great stuff, I’ve just pulled my head out of my arse. I’m pretty happy to just engage with the handful of people who comment & keep stalking you guys like I always have x
“I just see how many people are out there wanting to make it( & willing to do almost anything to get there) & that really I don’t have anything to say that hasn’t been said before by people who write better than I do ( & use less profanity)”
I could say the same thing…
Yeah but your good, really good, you got the smarts. But I get your point.
Nooooo! You have YOUR life, your world, your thoughts. Those are important!
They are Pip, they are important to me & that’s why I’ll keep writing because I love it & it’s fun & it’s good for my head. I’m not writing thinking one day I might actually be able to do it as a job any more. I’m just doing it because I like it & that is OK 🙂
It kills me when I see all those nasty and negative comments. As I single mum who went bat shit crazy (true story, complete mental breakdown) because my son wouldn’t sleep as a baby I applauded Chantelle on getting the help that she needed with her bubba. I love reading her blog and although some of the topics don’t appeal to me I don’t see the need the bag someone put because of it. Same with the photo a day challenge. I don’t participate with it online but play along at home. Chantelle and your fellow bloggers please know that there are a lot of people like myself that love reading your blogs but don’t comment on every post simply because most of the time I simply don’t have the time. I still live by and have taught my 12 year old the same thing, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. You guys friggin rock putting yourself out there for the world to read. That takes a lot of balls. Xx
Oooh yep, I have been dancing on the brink of that for the last six months. Not sure how much non-sleep I can take! It is hardCORE.
Stuff like this makes me determined to stay in my obscure little corner of the web where nobody cares about me. There is soooooo much crazy on the internet. Nicely played. This is why I keep coming back to your blog, despite all those cauliflower soup posts (see what I did there…?). Love this.
Haha this blog is my coat of many colours.
It’s kind of ironic that just hours after posting my comment today my IBOT post on the Thermomix went viral, and I ended the day copping shit from Thermo-fanatics. God has a wicked sense of humour.
Well said Stacey. People are stupid. People need a hobby….perhaps step outside for some fresh air. Or perhaps start their own blog!!!!
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Or come up with the $50k needed for the app they want and shut up!
Fucking so well said. I just can’t believe how cruel people are on the internet. I cringe and cringe and cringe. You can’t please everyone all the time, just keep doing what you are doing, the both of you. Fuck the haters.. Really. Fuck em. xx
ALL OF THEM! haha
YES!! You said it perfectly: People should stop setting fire to shit! I’ve only just started getting some flack and it’s already making me question all the things. People can be bloody awful and we shouldn’t have to put up with it. You’re a gem for writing this xx
Oh no, not you too?! 🙁
Bloody brilliant. I love Chantelle, and the chocolate eater. Good rant!!
They’re both awesome!
Stacey I dub you Yoda the sequel (but in the way that Terminator 2 was a sequal … aka just as awesome.. but with a touch more violence 😉 )
Anything with Edward Furlong in his prime is fine by me.
I love this post so much Stacey. Sometimes I forget how awesome you are as a person / blogger because I am lucky enough to have you at my fingertips and have met you and sat next to you (ooh eeee!) I’m sitting next to Veggie Mama!! And then I read this and it’s all coming back to me like a newbie fangirl. Your friends are lucky to have you and good for you for writing this: it should go in the Blogging Bible. I am already quite worn down by the “you put yourself out there you should be prepared to hear my wrath” and I’ve only toe-dipped into it. I take my hat off to the long term bloggers who keep on keeping on despite this muck filling up their internets every single day. Respect. Ferris Bueller: you’re my hero. x x x x x x x x x x x
I really take umbrage at that oft-said phrase. Someone getting out there and trying to make something of themselves is not a license for people to be fuckwits at them. At some point it’s not constructive, it’s just cruel.
I couldn’t love this post more. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but there is NO need to be nasty about it. People behind screens have feelings too. I’ve been thinking about this stuff a lot lately. How hard is it to just respect that we all think differently and thats okay, in fact its what makes the world interesting and its how we open our minds and evolve, learn etc. How hard is it to just BE NICE? I feel so bad for Chantelle having to endure those types of comments. You need a thick skin to put yourself out there but it doesn’t mean people should take advantage of it. So well said Stacey xx
Some people have issues, HM. There’s just more people to bitch to on the internet 🙁
I just cried a bit. 🙁 You’re a good writer, lady. Yep. <3
*averting my eyes*
Love… can not say anything else except… love.
Word.
Fuckers.
What a kick-ass post Stacey! I often wonder how you big bloggers go when you cop so much flak, I’ve been abused and brought to tears in my journo days but my skin has got a bit thicker since then. People that sledge are just jealous and need to get a life… I LOVE you Chantelle, you are one of the most outstanding bloggers and people that I know! You have paved a way for so many of us bloggers and I salute you (and in a few weeks will raise my glass in a toast to you) x
I have a journalist friend who writes a weekly column and gets legit hammered every single time. She even got hate mail for writing a touching post about her beautiful dog who passed away. I literally do not know how she does it. I would be cracking skulls.
Love you right back Emily. Looking forward to seeing you again soon. x
I had an experience where someone accused me of denigrating millions of women and setting back feminism because I used the word “spinster” in an ironic and light hearted way. I was a bit upset about this. I can’t imagine facing criticism of my parenting/family/lifestyle. It would force me off the interweb to be honest. I have to congratulate FMS for slugging it out. Meanwhile to the haters the answer is simple. If a blog is not to your taste, dont read it.
Haha totally. And you can never pinpoint really what will set people off. Sometimes its the most innocuous thing. I think everyday hating on my choices would force me off the internet too. But it’s her job. It allows her to do so much.
“someone chided her for letting her daughter experiment ”
“somebody admonished her for leaving her handbag open”
“They also tagged their single friends into the fight”
“someone went on a rant and accused her of being a bad mother”
“someone commented pretty harshly about the sanity of the mother”
Let me guess – all female.
Haha – your point?
Guys don’t care about that shit. What the parent article describes isn’t a problem with “Internet culture” – it’s a problem with “female social dominance games”.
I’m not saying it’s the internet. It’s people on the internet. The internet is awesome, bitches be wack.
Perhaps an article title of “Check yoself, BITCHES” would have been more appropriate? It’s not really an Internet thing.
Relational aggression in females – as an anthropological phenomenon – is as old as human society. Guys jockey for position in social groups by displays of physical strength, stamina, and interpersonal acts of force involving injury. Hunting-skills stuff. Females jockey for position in social groups through displays of social status within the group and by causing damage to the self-esteem or peer-group position of rivals. “Mean Girls” stuff.
Once you know that, you can look out for it.
Hmm… Interesting point of view Simon. Although, I’d agree it’s an ‘internet’ thing rather being solely a female issue. It’s about people being able to hide behind a keyboard and comment anonymously a lot of the time. The only trolls I’ve had on my blog have been male.
I think trolling is different. Not traditional trolling but real abusive stalker trolling, yeah that does seem to be a guy thing. When an anonymous poster says “I’M GOING TO FIND OUR WHERE YOU LIVE AND CUT OFF YOUR HEAD AND F*CK YOUR SKULL” that does seem kinda masculine in the threatening-murder-sex vibe.
But that fits perfectly with the model of male social dominance games and after 2 seconds you can see how it’s different from the female equivalent. A male will say “I’m going to punch you in the face”. A female will say “You are bad at that thing that you have chosen to define your identity and I will say that to you in front of your peer group and here comes my posse of supporters to validate my viewpoint and marginalise you”.
But hey, I’m a guy, what the fuck do I know. I’m a blind person talking about Monet here, I have a penis.
It’s just ridiculous! I really wonder if they feel better after their mini or massive tirades. I mean, honestly, are these people genuinely feeling happy? What’s the point? Being nasty feels nasty, and makes the target feel yuck. Everybody loses. There’s already so much actual shitty stuff in life, why pile unnecessary nonsense on top of that?
Big virtual hugs to C and high fives to you Mrs VM. Xx
Yeah that’s how I feel – nobody wins!
Well said !
It has made me cut back on my opinion sharing and writing blog posts about so many things because I see the cut throat criticism (initially on Go mi) . I knew ‘who’ before I saw below.
There is just too much snark and hate , that is so unnecessary even if they share different opinions they could be nicer about it.
I think snark, when done well, can be hilarious. It’s true, it’s witty – but when shit turns nasty and personal, well that’s not snark, that’s hate and it stops being witty and funny. It is lazy. Not to mention hurtful (but that’s probably what they were going for).
Gosh what a brilliant post. Stacey, if there was a war I’d want you on my army. And as much as us little bloggers would like to grow and get bigger, there is crap that most of you biggies deal with that we have no idea about. I really had no idea that this was going on because I love the blogger you’re talking about! I actually signed up to the Cookie School cos I wanna learn and get better and I admire her so much. 🙂
Thanks Bec. xxxx
You will learn SO MUCH!
Good work – I love FMS too – and had no idea she had such a backlash. Not surprised though.
I am on holiday in Australia atm (from the UK), it’s a working holiday and I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity. I’m a massive fan of IG – I love playing with images, it’s a great diary for me but also an easy way of letting my family back home see what we’re up to.
Yesterday I said ‘we must be having a good holiday…I’ve lost 100 followers already!’
I know it’s on a much smaller level – but it’s the same principle. If I stick to posting photos of cups of tea and some shit granny square I’ve just managed my number zoom up!! I try to post (and blog) without considering how others might view it…but if I find it hard then I can only imagine how you guys in the major league must feel. It’s grown up playground politics. I hate it.
fee x
(stay chipper FMS and Stacy and Mrs Woog – the majority of us are totally behind you)
Haha oh totally! Even I’ve pulled back in the last few years. I try to blog like nobody’s reading, but fuck it’s exhausting having to explain yourself when somebody has misunderstood. often it’s not worth it!
So so good Stacey and so true. I have a line in my blog footer that says ‘feel free to disagree but make sure you do it respectfully.’
It’s sad that these people can’t disagree reapectfully and that they don’t know that tearing others down does not lift them up.
Your friend is awesome, as are you. Here’s to a sea of people reminding each other of that and drowning out those unhappy arseholes.
Well said Lila:)
Ahoy!
Love, Love, Love this post Stacey!
People really need to think before they write (or speak for that matter!). I feel that sometimes people really hide behind the Internet and simply ‘forget’ that there are actual real life people writing on blogs and sites. Real life people with families and jobs and well just trying to handle everything that life chucks at you!
Love your blog and your friends 🙂
Keep up the good fight you guys! 🙂
I think it’s less that they forget and more that they don’t care. Sadly.
Too true…it’s an awful thing 🙁
SO well put!! I’ve never understood online bullying. The anonymity of shitting all over someone’s day through use of your computer or smart phone, GROW the hell up! AGHHH! WAH, why can’t we all just get along, WHY? Because there’s palm oil in the fucking chocolate haha!
Haha I can see how easy it would be for people so inclined to just bust out a nasty comment, but I would be eaten alive with guilt. I don’t know how they do that!
Lol – I love that saying… I use it on my son all the time! ‘Check yourself before you wreck yourself!’. My other favourite saying (which comes from somewhere other then my former boss, but I’m not exactly sure) is ‘my blog is not a democracy’… You can comment on my blog, and you can disagree with my thoughts/opinions, but that doesn’t mean I have to keep your blog comments if they disrespect me, my family/friends/readers… That’s why there is a ‘delete’ button!
Oh amen. Not a democracy. A place for differing ideas, sure. But a repository for abuse in the guise of free speech? No fucking way.
You are just wonderful Stacey – what a smart and right-on post. Hat tip to all of you bloggers for what you do.
Oh what would you know, you’re a moron, remember?! ;-D
I love you too Stacey people are so nasty I can’t believe if you have nothing nice to say shut the fuck up…yes well that’s how I was brought up ,people need to learn some manners I think,even on disqus people leave rude comments Wtf.
On another note I’m sorry I haven’t been around my Mum passed away and my dog and my Dad has been in hospital and I have 3 bulging discs in my neck and life is crazy shit ATM I’m sorry Xx
Oh my goodness Lisa. Thinking of you. What a sad time you’re going through. 🙁
Oh Lisa I was actually going to email you last week as I hadn’t heard from you in a while and wanted to make sure you were ok! And I see you’re not ok. I’m so sorry, lovely – anything I can do? Poor bugger x
I love the utter fuck out of you, Stacey Roberts you motherfucker xxxxx
I’d still fight you to the death for Eminem.
We would both be dead. Neither of us would win because we both want him so bad we’d kill each other LOLLERS
Ok I’ll share.
AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME
Love this post! And I had no idea the amount of criticism that you put up with (particularly Chantelle as you mention). These responses alone show what a supportive community you have though, and that is certainly something to be thankful for. Keep up the amazing work (all of you)! X
It’s more Chantelle than me, but it was killing me watching her go through it. Thank goodness for community!
Yes! So glad you shed light on this Stacey, I think people forget a full time blogger is a real person. And Chantelle is an awesome person, as are you x
i think they don’t care!
Best thing I’ve read today. Let’s lift eachother up.
When the Reddit thing happened to me, and to an extent, the taxi situation, and it made media, I felt the negative comments were just out of control. These people didn’t know me yet they made awful assumptions – even saying I should be dead. People say that we as bloggers should expect criticism – we put ourself out there blah blah – but no. This type of criticism these bloggers you write of is undeserved.
Like Chantelle said below, I love the Internet because it is awesome and brings people together. I would not have the career I do if it wasn’t for that. But there are some awful people out there hiding behind a screen.
Chantelle does amazing things and she deserves happiness and appreciation.
Bravo Stacey for writing this x
I really, truly hate that saying. I don’t think it’s true. And it’s used as a defence for SO much. Be sensible in your criticism, be honest. Just don’t be a jackass.
thankyou. just thankyou.
i like my kitchen and i don’t want to get out of it.
xx
I was thinking of you as I wrote x
I’ve only met Chantelle briefly but you can tell straight away she’s kind and sincere so it’s nothing short of shit to read what goes on. It can be incredibly difficult biting your tongue and keeping quiet when this type of behaviour goes on sometimes so I take my hat off to her.
Oh man, yes. Sometimes I don’t hold my tongue on her behalf, but I’ve had to be super-diplomatic when it’s happened to me! So hard.
I love you both!! Even more so now. Some people just don’t have a life…
Me, I would be insane without both your blog posts, so thankyou xo
Ha you are very welcome 🙂
Amazing read! Thanks 🙂
This is so lovely you sticking up for a lovely blogger who gives so much (names will remain anonymous). I’m a hobby blogger who admires all you guys achieve. Most of all I admire the sense of ‘real’ community that is blogging, big or small – honest, real and against all those who would pour shit over it. Thank you Veggie Mama.
The community makes every single thing worth it!
Love this post!! The internet is such a wonderful thing allowing us to connect with so many people, unfortunately like any good thing there is a dark side. So many use it as a tool to judge others, bitch & moan, & Its easy because they never have to face the person! Thanks for this Stacey, if you all stick together & support each other it makes it a little easier to shake off the bullshit!
Amen!
You girls rock … just don’t forget it. You’re at the forefront of a social revolution where actually only the strongest, most creative, most courageous, most empathetic, most resilient will have any chance at longevity. Hang in there you’re worth it 🙂 Loved your words Stacey, you could have been talking about chicken shit rather than blogging but I would still have rolled each word over my tongue twice.
ha this made me laugh!
Hear Hear! Thanks for writing such a great post. It’s great to see that people stand up for each other – without asking anything.
Haters will be haters. But there should be something like a delete button for them not to be able to send any more hate over the internet. Or at least an {blocked to comment} button!
Love reading both of your blogs – thanks for sharing your life and experience with the rest of us! 🙂
oh the IP blocker WordPress widget is pure gold 🙂
Yeah that’s true!
We’ll said x
I’ll be totally honest and say that when I saw everyone hashtagging little moments app I was totes jelly there was no android version but I’m not sure why people would feel the need to abuse someone over that?
I feel like singing “why can’t we be friends?” – what happened to female solidarity (sorry about the sexism but it is more a generalisation).
What a great friend you are to write in support of Chantelle!!
Haha as someone who has never had an android, i wouldn’t know what that was like! But I’ve seen other people cough up the costs for Android versions (often five times the price of Apple), and sell 1/5th of what they’d hoped. They never make their money back. It sucks, but maybe you guys are just too far ahead of the times haha
There’s an old adage from the early days of forums “add keyboard for instant expert” and unfortunately that is still the same today. That said, and this is a general comment and not at all pointing any fruit, vegetables or other foodstuffs at anyone, there also seem to be more bloggers these days who will slap down anyone who disagrees with them, however politely they do it. Which is also a shame I think.
haha oh so true! anyone with a keyboard and some spare time can be painfully annoying. And that’s such a shame about bloggers not inviting disagreement. To be honest, I’ve never seen it. But that’s because I don’t read as many blogs as I used to I guess!
I’m afraid I can name three “big name mom bloggers” who have thrown a conniption fit in the last few months at their followers. I’ve always been of the view that respectful disagreement is just a part of healthy discourse, but then I’m not being pummelled by trolls all the live long day. I’m sure my patience would run out eventually.
Conniption! What a great word! Ah bugger. I often wonder what would be my threshold before I go batshit crazy. Maybe even respectful disagreement still looks like an attack after that. The whole internet should chill out and have a beer!
It amazes me that people would tear someone down from behind the safety of their keyboard/phone. Somehow that makes it okay. “Celebrity” or not, it is rude and disgraceful. We teach our kids not to be bullies in school – maybe these people need to hear that lesson again. And again. Get a life. Mind your own business. And if you don’t like what someone else is writing/doing, either stop reading or keep your opinions to yourself unless asked for them.
BTW – I love photo a day! I have made friends from all over the world through it!
I think people who don’t like what other people are doing on the internet should chill the fuck out and go have an ice cream or something. More to life, folks!
I love your blog. you’re the best!
nawwwwwww
Woah, this is the first of your posts I’ve read Stacey #hellonewfaveblog. And Gawd, WHY do we do this to ourselves?! Okay I know why… but really, mean peeps need to get a life.
Welcome aboard, Rainbow Mama! I hope you enjoy your stay!
Why thank you! XO
What the actual fuck is wrong with people?! I am horrified to hear that this sort of thing goes on. Get a life people, get a real problem or give us $50k. Christ. I’m losing even more faith in the world. I can’t believe someone as lovely, kind and generous as Chantelle would get abused on a continual. It’s depressing. Don’t ever stop what you’re doing girls – both of you are an inspiration.
I wish I’d read this before I met you last night Stacey so I could have high-fived you in person because this is awesome. Horrible that it is necessary, but wonderful for the outpouring of support you’ve caused. You’re rad (and so’s Chantelle)
There is always someone who disagrees or wants to say something bad, but these people sound as if they deliberately just being downright nasty and that should never be allowed in my view!! That is of course just my view though! xx
Chantelle is the bomb and a lovely kind generous person to boot. She most definitely doesn’t deserve the crap people serve her. Stacey you are also pretty damn awesome too xxx
What a fabulous post and I support all you have said wholeheartedly. I love the blogging community and the people associated but trolls are going to troll and we have not to succumb to their jealousy and hatred they do not deserve any acknowledgment in my eyes and need to grow up and realise that the people they target are human, have feelings and have their place in the world just like all of us.
Chantelle you are awesome and you deserve all the success in the world. I hate he fact that someone so kind and generous is attacked over such silly things.
We can all disagree with certain situations but to pick and bully someone you do not know or even care to know is beyond pathetic.
Look at poor Zelda Williams attacked by these despicable trolls who go out of their way to be nasty. Just so sad. Why do people have to attack others because of their own insecurities.
Chin up and keep going lovely lady. You are one of the best. V x
Some days I think FB and the internet and all social media should have a scrolling banner at the top of the page in big, bold capital letters that says “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Oh, and we know where you live!”.
You are beautiful
You are loved
You are FANTABULOUS!
don’t ever believe anyone that tells you different. x
I think this underlines the talk I was having with my daughter (almost 21) when we we learn to be nice to each other. As in not my daughter and I, as in why are women in general so freaking critical?
Insecurity 😉
Stacey
editor | veggie mama
w: http://www.theveggiemama.com
I also think it is a learned behavior. Which is heavily influenced by greed, lust and insecurity
Amazing post. Blew me away. Wish I could write a smidgen as well as you. Thank you for articulating many things that have been rattling around in me.
Well now, that’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard! Thank you!