It was as I was standing among 20 three-and-four year olds going nuts on the dance floor under handcrafted toddler decorations when it happened – I got a lump in my throat.
“I’m not going to cry, am I?” I thought incredulously. “Ok, apparently I am“.
Fortunately it was a bit of an anti-climax and was over almost before it started, but it seems to be a habit with me every time I find myself exactly where I always wanted to be as a mum.
Ok maybe I haven’t always dreamed of going to kindergarten discos, but there I was juggling a doll that wets itself, three jumpers nobody wanted to wear, watching an overly-excited and overdressed DJ whip a bunch of small children into a frenzy and attempting to get a mouthful of chocolate ball past my stubborn throat.
But it’s one of those things mums do. And I was really looking forward to being a mum. I now find my reality is what used to only be hopeful daydreams and all of a sudden I come over all Olympian on the dais seconds from biting their medal (why do they do that?) with happy tears streaming down their face. I made it. Make the most of this moment.
It happened when I walked into Biggie’s school for the preliminary tour. It happens randomly on a sunny day in the park, or when my kids are lost in imaginary play, when I hear a song that reminds me of them, hell once it even happened in the supermarket.
I hadn’t ever really envisioned parenting past soccer sidelines and fingerpainting, so it remains to be seen whether I still blub at teenage house parties or when buying their first bra. It’s very possible, but also more likely that I’m tired and the music is too loud, and that they’re growing up faster than I’d like.
Linking up with the wonderful Denyse and her “Life this Week” series.