“And since birth I’ve been cursed with this curse to just curse.” – Eminem
And I have kids. Imma supposed to keep the convo clean. But dammit, it’s like the swears are ingrained in my DNA.
Is it my propensity for listening to rap? Probably. Is it my love for foul-mouthed horror novels? I dare say so. It’s probably a whole bunch of influential things that over the years have given me a habit so incredibly hard to break. How do you stop doing something that’s been second nature to you for almost 20 years?
I mean, obviously I don’t swear at my children, or when speaking to them (I love that Eminem said in an interview he doesn’t swear at home around his daughters: “I mean, how would I really sound, as a person, like, walking around my house, you know [saying], ‘Bitch, pick this up.'”), but I swear in daily conversations with everyone – my husband, my family, friends… probably even the postman, depending on the situation! And if Eminem can curb his cursing and I can’t, what does that say about me?
Why do I swear? I don’t know. Mostly because it either enunciates a point in a stronger way, or mostly because a random swear when you’re least expecting it is funny as fuck. Some people don’t agree,and say swearing isn’t humorous at all, but they might be the same people who believe sarcasm is the lowest form of wit – clearly an opinion I don’t hold. It’s also not because my vocabulary is so miniscule that I need to swear because I can’t think of anything else to say. It just is. I just am.
I look at Sharon Osborne, wife of a metal music legend, much-loved mother of three (and grandmother of one), and she’ll bust out f-bombs at a rate of knots, and sounds perfectly elegant and hilarious while she does so. I’m willing to bet that it’s her British accent that helps, but perhaps I can cultivate one by the time I’m her age? So when I’m saying something’s shithouse, it just sounds delightful?
I don’t know. How bad is it anyway? I heard Abby softly repeat a not-to-be repeated word after I dropped something last week, and I realised I’m going to have to try harder to reign it in. But for how long does one do that? When can I bring back the “bitch”? My parents swore, and still do, and I managed to not pick up the habit from them, probably because they read me the riot act about doing it. I thought I was SO grown up when I got to be a teenager and peppered my language with filth, but then I got pretty over it and didn’t really pick it up again until years later. I don’t want my kid to be the one swearing at preschool, mostly because I will be judged by the other mums. My kid would be the one leading them all astray, and that’s not a headache I’d really be interested in.
Do swear jars work? How bad is it for kids to hear incidental swearing? When do we need to stop listening to foul-mouthed music in front of their sensitive little ears?
What’s the fastest way to a British accent?
bethwa says
June 5, 2013 at 5:55 ami try to change my swear words to what i call “mum swears” eg felt instead of f!ck etc sort of works. 🙂
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:47 pmI have thought about that! I knew a couple who said “bloomin'” and “jolly”, and I thought I should do it too… but it’s harder than I realised!
Ayla says
June 5, 2013 at 6:53 am“Swearing isn’t humorous at all, but they
might be the same people who believe sarcasm is the lowest form of wit” – That’s my partner.
I swear accidently, all the time. They just fall out mid-sentence, though not around small children. Or my Grandmother.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:46 pmThe only people I don’t swear around are my kids, but everyone else I know swears too, so it’s not a big deal.
But ouch, it’d be hard to reign that in around your partner… different humour levels can be dangerous!
Ayla says
June 5, 2013 at 2:57 pmOh I never said I reign it in around him haha!
Tessa : Down that Little Lane says
June 5, 2013 at 8:18 amI miss everyday swearing.. the fact I have curbed it around the children means I have turned it more of a potty mouth when out with my girlfriends and some of those are not the sweary types who now see me as trailer park trash ( obviously only through my paranoid eyes but still)
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:45 pmHa I do the same thing! I sound like a truck driver half the time. but I would never think you were trash, I bet you sound fucking delightful when you swear x
Lila Wolff says
June 5, 2013 at 8:39 amWhen did I stop swearing? Never. I taught my kids that there is a time and a place for certain words, my teens both know not to swear around adults (I don’t care if they swear around their friends now that they are older). I think like many things it’s about teaching them appropriateness and that while one thing might be appropriate for mama it’s not appropriate for them. Eve dropped F*’s Sake a couple of months ago but we didn’t respond or let it become something she thought amused us and she stopped doing it. Tattoos are a good example to use when explaining to them about things adults can do but kids can’t and more importantly why they can’t, I’ve done my best to not ever use the because I said so rule with my kids.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:45 pmBLESS YOU THIS HAS MADE MY FUCKING DAY.
Emma says
June 5, 2013 at 9:34 amOh man this is SUCH an issue for me too. I work with tradies and my husband, my mum and I all swear like sailors, for emphasis, humour and without even realising it. My son has only just turned one, but I know I’m going to have to start weaning myself off the swears early because it will be a loooong process. Replacing ‘fucking’ with ‘freaking’ and ‘shit’ with ‘sugar’ helps a bit, but I think I’m just going to have the kid who says fuck at kinder.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:44 pmI am too, I just know it. It just falls out of my mouth, seriously! Like, it’s not a conscious decision that I choose to make, it just happens and half the time I don’t even realise. We’ll see when the kids get older, huh? It might not be as bad as we think.
Katie Rainbird says
June 5, 2013 at 10:03 amYo wassup bitch I fucking love swearing! I have the toddler who says “SHIT!” when she can’t get her sock on, ha! The rules here are that if it’s appropriate to swear, like if her sock is annoying her, then she can swear at home: but not outside of the home and certainly not at kindy! She calls people who drive their cars too fast and with loud music blaring “Wonkers” and too right babes, they ARE wonkers!
I swear, it’s how I get through my day without going batshit crazy.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:43 pmHa you know how bad I am with this, and you always make me feel better. Mostly because you drop bombs almost as fast as I do! I like your provisos, I think I will adopt them.
I was just talking to my students the other day about how society’s standards seem to be softening toward swearing, so we might actually be onto something…
Reemski says
June 5, 2013 at 10:23 amThe other day, out shopping and having morning tea, the toddler caused me to drop a dumpling on the floor (and in my world dumplings are as precious as jewels!). Fuck, I yelped: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! she repeated while I tried to hide my giggles. No, honey, I said, Fart!
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:42 pmNooooo! Not the fucking dumpling!
(I agree, it’s hard to find a good one where I am, so you DO NOT DROP THEM)
Violet Lulu says
June 5, 2013 at 10:28 amI thought i never swore in front of the children but apparently i do because every time the 2 year old drops something now it’s a shouted string of OH FUCK FUCK FUCK OH SHIT SHIT FUCK YOU SHIT, continued until humiliated, i try to distract her with something else. usually food. fuck.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:42 pmThis made me actually LOL in the carpark of a shopping centre – I totally lost it and got quite a few weird stares… but I can just imagine how this would play out, haha
Violet Lulu says
June 5, 2013 at 2:53 pmHa, there’s also the time we were trying to sleep past 6:00am by letting her watch tv shows on my iPad..which she kept turning off and waking us up to turn back on. After the hundredth time of “SHOWS SHOWS MORE SHOWS” Rob grumbled “Fuck your shows”….which is what she now shouts at random strangers walking past on occasion. It kind of sounds like “forty shows” (i wish) so you’ll find me, red faced and sounding nasally with desperation, replying loudly “yes darling, forty shows, that’s how many we’ll watch at home, won’t we?!?!”.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:56 pmhaha ok that cracked me up again! “Fuck your shows”… that’s totally something I would say in that instance. Kids are so repetitive. And loud. Loudly repetitive. Abby has mastered the ipad and youtube so we’re cool on that front… thank goodness. She hasn’t really started repeating us like that – maybe because she watches too much Mr Tumble on youtube and isn’t paying any attention to us?!
Reannon Hope says
June 5, 2013 at 11:25 amI’m a swearer & I love it! My mum is a swearer so I guess it’s genetic.
When my two big ones were little I tried to not swear around them & NEVER at them but they are 10.5 & 13 & I have been known to drop a “For fucks sake….” when one of them is driving me bat shit crazy. I probably swear at them more than I realize ( never name calling) because swearing is just everyday language to me.
Tim has always told the boys they can swear when “working with the men” but never around the woman & they’ve pretty much stuck to that rule but I’ve noticed lately that “friggin” & “bloody” are getting dropped into conversation pretty regularly, especially by the 13 yr old….not sure if I approve or not
Even though my kids don’t swear in conversation with me my now 10 year old has loved swearing for years & some of the conversations I’ve had with him are-
“Mum, do you know what my favorite swear word is?”
“No I don’t. What is it?”
“It starts with M”
I sit there confused for a minute or so & then say “I have no idea what word that is”
“If I say it you can’t get mad?”
“OK. Tell me”
“It’s MOTHERFUCKER! I love that word.”
I start laughing & then say “yeah me too” Obviously I use that word more than I thought…
Same kid once told me when he has kids he’s giving them swear words as names so when they go to school all their friends can swear at school & not get in trouble because they’ll just be saying kids names…I’m worried he’ll live in a trailer…
Prob doesn’t help that I’ve let him listen to Bliss’n’ Esso since he was about 7 & they are now one of his favorite bands. Hand me my award, clearly I am parent of the year…or not 😉
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:41 pmOh god, I love this for about forty-five million reasons. You give me hope that it’s ok to parent in my own quirky way and my kids will still be ok. bitch.
Lisa Mckenzie says
June 5, 2013 at 12:59 pmI used to do this say Fark instead of Fuck and so on ,I do swear and my son swears like a trooper he is a tradie though so I can get why (he is a landscaper) my daughter says C##t all the time but I am so used to her saying it ,its not like swearing is it? I get what you mean about swearing and sometimes you just need to swear to make it right like when you drop something on your foot or hurt your hand it is soothing.I don’t know about swear jars they prolly don’t work and I think ignoring is better.I’m with you on the sarcasm I hate it.Not nice at all.
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:40 pmhaha I think you might be thinking of a different sort of sarcasm. Mine is just dry humour really, nothing sinister about it at all! Most of the time, anyway.
I think you’re onto something with swapping to less sweary words, it seems to be the way most others are dealing with it! Frick!
Lisa Mckenzie says
June 6, 2013 at 1:28 pmDry humour is good I just hate the nasty sort of Sarcasm !Yep go with the words you like in front of the bubbas.
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 2:06 pm<3
Glowless says
June 5, 2013 at 2:52 pmI could write an entire comment about curbing my swearing dramatically when Tricks said bitch, or I could just quote Stephen Fry and say “The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in
any way a sign of a lack of education or a lack of verbal interest is
just a fucking lunatic”.
There are worse things than a kid dropping a couple bombs 😀
Veggie Mama says
June 5, 2013 at 2:56 pmOh Mr Fry, is there anything you ever do that won’t endear yourself to me?! What a legend.
I totally agree.
And I knew you would feel similarly haha.
Rachel from Redcliffe Style says
June 5, 2013 at 3:01 pmI become more of a swearer the older I get. I love the odd swear word because it’s as funny as fuck. My girls just ignore me and know they don’t get to use them.
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:55 amI love hearing from people with older kids – it gives me hope!
Emmas Brain says
June 5, 2013 at 3:35 pmI TRIED to curb my potty mouth, but I found that teaching my children that it was not about NOT swearing, but knowing when NOT to swear. So far so good xx
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:55 amI was actually going to ask you! I like your logic, I will be doing that.
I will also be disciplining by embarrassing the shit out of my teenagers – how good is run to paradise for that sort of thing! I totally bookmarked…
Leah says
June 5, 2013 at 3:51 pmI love a swear or 2! I have watered my language down though since little one is almost 2! But the occasional swear i think is ok.
I heard so much of it when i was little and never used it till i was an adult! I would like to teach her that swearing is not something i would like her to do, its only for adults. haha yeah, lets see how this shits gonna work. She already parrots everything we say, so she has already said bitch twice! whoops!
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:54 amhaha I am interested to see what Abby does. so far she only whispered it once, but never paid much attention ever again!
Leanne H says
June 5, 2013 at 3:59 pmI’ve changed a few of my swears to feck, and feckin’…..thanks Mrs Brown…and your boys 🙂
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:54 amOh I’ve been told I need to watch that!
Lisa Mckenzie says
June 6, 2013 at 1:30 pmYou do you would love it Stacey.
Louisa | Mrs Notable says
June 7, 2013 at 11:14 pmits BRILLIANT, you’ll love it!
Lornie says
June 5, 2013 at 4:48 pmI’m Scottish, my swearing would make a sailor blush, but hey that’s just the way I am. Bub number 1 is due any day now and we have been having this conversation. I have no idea how to deal with it so if you come up with a solution I’ll be happy to hear it!
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:53 amHa I think I’m just going to have to make the ‘adult word’ distinction, because as hard as i try, I just don’t seem to be able to stop.
catebolt says
June 5, 2013 at 5:04 pmFuck stopping swearing.
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:53 amYou are my fucking hero.
Kairipod says
June 5, 2013 at 5:51 pmI do it too! Been described as “my fair lady in reverse”; posh at times, and this “compliment” is retracted whenever i drop the f or c bomb.
Lucky I don’t give a fuck, huh! Xx
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:53 amhaha I’d much prefer a retracted compliment than be boring! But you are totally not boring. And I heart you much.
Louisa | Mrs Notable says
June 7, 2013 at 11:13 pmI swear like a sailor, yet I can not do the c-bomb. I shudder when I hear it. Such a judgy Mc Judgy swearing mama!
Alex aka Whoa Mumma! says
June 5, 2013 at 8:27 pmI swear like a sailor. Dissssssgusting. Can’t help myself. I laugh when the kids do it too. Nothing like a 2 year old dropping the f bomb in public to give you embarrassed giggles. Is it bad that you feel proud when they drop it in context?
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:52 amNot if you’re asking me it ain’t!
Mel says
June 5, 2013 at 8:36 pmI’m a swearer too but I thought I was very good at saying it under my breath. Last is until my mum heard my just under 2 year old daughter say “f***s sake” (in context mind you!). I realised my swearing must have been stage whispers!! I seemed to be able to easily turn my swearing on & off when I was hanging with my Nana but I just cant’t seem to do it with my daughter!!
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:52 amIsn’t it funny when they do it in context? I have a friend whose kid does it and I don’t know whether it’s cool to laugh or not because we sort of have to teach them it’s not appropriate… don’t we?!
Renee at Mummy, Wife, Me says
June 5, 2013 at 8:55 pmLove it! This post had me cracking up and nodding my head. I LOVE a good swear. When my husband walked in the door tonight the first thing I said was ‘you wouldn’t believe what sort of fucked up shit has been going on today!’ Straight after it I was like, umm really don’t know why I turned ghetto then …
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:51 amOh I turn ghetto about forty-five times a day. It just feels so good to swear, I don’t know why!
Mel Thorne says
June 6, 2013 at 7:54 amStacey, swearing is such a personal thing and I think you already know the answers to your own questions! When my middle son started Kindy we lived in a mining town where to swear was to breathe. So he rocked up on the first day and dropped an f-bomb. I was devastated and threw myself a sobbing pity party. I decided that I couldn’t change the environment we lived in, but I could make sure it wasn’t me they were hearing it from. The fact you’re pondering the issue probably means a change is coming, when it does you’ll be ready and will embrace it. Till then get in as many swear moments as you can, cause once you give it up you’ll be stunned at how liberating it is! Seriously!
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:50 amLiberating not to swear? But I enjoy it so!
Peta says
June 6, 2013 at 8:57 amI will be faced with this dilemma fairly soon. One of my friends heard her four year old proclaim ‘jesus, fucking, shit’ when she couldn’t find the outfit she wanted to wear. Hilarious! Or is it not supposed to be hilarious?
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 9:50 amAh no, I’d find that pretty hilarious! But I’ve got an extreme sense of humour. From what I’ve seen over the past few days, most mums who read here find themselves in the same boat 🙂
Marina says
June 6, 2013 at 1:05 pmThis is hilarious Stacey – and don’t stress about your kids.
I love my husband but every second word out of his mouth seemed to be F&^# – I was worried that our kids would be saying something other than Mum or Dad as their first words! Then I remembered my friend who worked with kids – but swore like a trooper – NEVER did I hear any of her ‘kids’ repeat one.
We had a rule – you can swear when you are old enough to vote and have a drivers licence. It seems to have worked. I have two teenagers now who don’t swear, but I bet the day they turn 18, they’ll let me know they can 😉
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 2:06 pmOh this is brilliant! Thank you for sharing. Nice to know I’m on the right track 🙂
Erin says
June 6, 2013 at 4:57 pmSwearing really offends me, it really does. It feels like a knife stabbing at my ears. The thing is, in this day and age it is so socially acceptable that it is hard to escape it and it drives me crazy. The worst thing is when I’m out enjoying a walk and I get stuck behind a group of kids…man…they…do…not…hold…back! Everything is F or C or F & C. Agh!!!!
Oh well, I won’t judge you, if you don’t judge me. There mustn’t be too much swearing in your posts veggie mama because I really enjoy reading them.
Veggie Mama says
June 6, 2013 at 7:55 pmHaha never any judgement here, man! Each to his own and all that! I totally know what you mean getting stuck behind the kids…. I work next to two schools, and I hear it constantly out their tiny little mouths.
I don’t swear much in my posts, it’s a bit more arresting when it’s written down I think. I find it a bit WOW if you’re not expecting it… and not in a good way!
MotherDownUnder says
June 7, 2013 at 2:33 amI think Toddler C has dropped a few f bombs already…or maybe he was just actually saying truck?
Louisa | Mrs Notable says
June 7, 2013 at 10:55 pmthank you for making me feel better. I’m a swearing mother too, Huzbo as well. Little Missy heard something fro the kitchen the other day, and walked in saying “Why you say shit Daddy?”. Thank goodness, it could have easily been worse! I so hope she hasn’t slipped one out at childcare or pre-school.
Trish says
March 8, 2017 at 9:00 amI love swearing f**k this f**k that, but it p****s me off when someone says ” can you stop swearing please” WHY!! Who the f**k are you, b******s you c**t, don’t like it f**k off elsewhere.
I’ll swear as much as I like, when I like, as long as I’m not doing it in front of any children which is why I’ve Stared every swear word out incase of any kids that read this.
although there’s few who hate it, I guess they need to remember we are not all the same and you need to put into fact we all come from different backgrounds and some of us are just bought up that way there just words the same as fanny or dick so get over it.