Oh last time I was lulled into a false sense of security.
Last time, although I didn’t enjoy being pregnant all that much, I was incredibly grateful I felt emotionally completely normal.
People would tell me they were screaming banshees at home, bursting into tears at the slightest provocation, berating their boyfriends, harassing their husbands.
Me? I had one crying fit at about 28 weeks when it was hot and it was Christmas and I was stressed and something little was aggravating.
Now? Oh my lord.
Someone telling me they keep getting email meant for me? Cue fury and pointed email back about mistakes and how easy they are to make and for god’s sake I’m not harrassing you or unable to give others my correct email address, IT WAS ACCIDENTAL, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ALL WORKED UP ABOUT?
We’ve actually had a pleasant back and forth after everybody calmed down… hi Stacey Roberts from NY!
Someone telling me something they already thought I knew but didn’t? And writes in that harsh “this is the fact. everybody knows this” way? And I’m all “WELL NO NEED TO BE BITCHY, I WASN’T JUDGING YOUR CHOICES, I WAS CONFUSED AND DIDN’T REALISE EVERYBODY KNEW THESE FACTS BUT ME OH MY GOD”. And they’re all “oh you didn’t know? sorry! here’s the story”.
But I’m still outside sweeping the floor like a woman demented muttering under her breath and stabbing at cobwebs.
I know this is all hormonal. I am not usually quick to anger, and I rarely see nastiness in things that are easily explained and worked out. The annoying this is it still feels like proper anger and frustration, even though it’s irrational. I know it will pass, I know I’m getting worked up over nothing, but I still feel angry, goddammit! And I’m angry that I’m angry all the time! I’m not usually like this. It’s exhausting. I’m already tired, I don’t have the energy to be annoyed.
Oh and everything makes me tear up. I finally schlep three bags, the baby, water bottle, coffee and supermarket shopping bags into the car, ready to go to work and I realise I’ve left my phone inside the locked house? Frustration cry.
Taking my kid to the doctor because someone thinks she has an earache, but is really teething and hasn’t slept for a week, which means I haven’t slept for a week, and then the doctor says she’s fine and going outside to start the car only to find that the battery is dead and it’s raining and it’s the kid’s dinner time and my husband is a six-hour drive away? Uh-oh.
The baby doing something so sweet and adorable that I can’t stand to look at her? Tissues, please.
I am too tired to be this hormonal for the next six months. Thank god babies are so cool.