My life has been one long embarrassing moment. For someone who could barely squeak out two words to strangers, and avoided parties and gatherings all together if I could help it, interacting with my fellow man seemed fraught with fear, nervousness, and just plain embarrassing awkwardness. Books never judged me (although I spent so much time reading and such little time speaking, I still don’t know how to pronounce half the words I read, although I know what they mean and I can use them brilliantly in writing. However, I will think of another word when speaking out loud to avoid … embarrassment, haha), so I made many friends with those instead.
I’ve been racking my brain for one standout, epic fuckup. And I cannot think of one. One of my embarrassing moments that still leaves me mildly cringing is my first kiss, but that’s tomorrow’s topic. I guess my moments have all been the standard garden variety, nothing of real significance. Which I guess is a good thing?
I’m always the person who will say “you too!” to the waiter when tell me to enjoy my meal (I don’t know how to use the “you too” phrase, don’t everybody look at me, I’m a moron), and I’ve definitely been caught in the pool with my boob out, unbeknownst to me. If there’s anything in my path, I will trip on it, usually when someone is watching. I occasionally spit when I talk, I’m more likely than not to have food in my teeth (and occasionally my eyebrows, don’t ask), and am too afraid to use people’s name in conversation because I’m 90% sure I’ve forgotten it.
I spend my life avoiding chat in case I ask an awkward question (how’s the wedding plans? oh my fiance died, the wedding’s off), which makes me appear to be the most aloof human in the world. But the truth is, I’ve just got minimal social communication skills, and the propensity to always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Tell me I’m not alone!