This is what I am doing.
Oh mah gawd, haven’t things been heavy around here lately? While I’ve made my peace with my past, it’s still interesting to see it laid out like that. Encapsulated into snappy blog posts. It’s almost like they happened to someone else, someone I feel really sorry for. But it doesn’t feel like me.
But with all the soul-searching and lesson-learning, I’m still partial to hating a few things in life. There’s always going to be things that piss me off no end, no matter how zen I am. And the first one?
1. Queue jumpers
No, not the boat people/refugees/asylum seekers. Just your average line cutter-inerers at the shops. You think I didn’t see you just walk over and stand in front of me like that, ignoring the queue the rest of us kind citizens have got going on over here? I can feel your ignorance vibes like if you don’t acknowledge me in any way you can get away with pushing in. For the next three minutes I’m going to hate you with the fire of a thousand suns, because its SO EFFING RUDE, but I’m probably never going to say anything. I do try to rationalise it, like is it really going to ruin my day if this inconsiderate dickhead wants to be served before me? and sometimes I just can’t help it and words come out of my mouth. I once asked a self-confessed queue jumper if they realised they were pushing in and did it on purpose, or do they just not see the line that’s formed? She said she knew, but she was busy. She hated lines. I wanted to shout WE ALL DO YOU IDIOT.
2. Feet on the seats
Aw let’s face it. Feet in general. I’m not good with feet. At uni I would be a pit of boiling rage if someone stuck their sweaty feet on the back of my seat or on the arm rest right next to me. I’m like that guy’s feet are less than 30 centimetres from my face, in what situation is that ever going to be a pleasant experience hey there dude, can you see me glaring at your hairy toes, move those motherfuckers before I slam my book on them for chrissake. Told you I was a pit of boiling rage. Seemed easier than asking them to move their feet.
3. Kitchen washcloths sitting in a pool of their own un-wrung-out grossness
Why would you do that? Just squeeze it and put it somewhere where it’s not going to fester in kitchen sink juice. Ugh.
4. Toilet skidmarks
I don’t want to know you poo.
5. All the search terms that are now going to lead people to my blog because I have “toilet skidmarks” on it.
6. Dirty floors
I could be dying a thousand deaths (or be suffering manic rage because someone put their feet on my seat at uni and then cut in front of me in the lunch line) but I will always sweep my floor. I cannot bear one grain of anything laying around that I can stand on. Dirty feet make me crazy. When it rains for a few days my stupid floors get this weird sweaty wetness and I can’t bear it. I have to wear shoes everywhere and try not to look at it or I’ll go nuts. I hate standing on spilled sugar and if there is anything left on my floor after I’ve just cleaned it I usually need a stiff drink to recover.
7. Bad food
I am devastated if I pay for a meal and it is not good. Food is almost my favourite thing in life and I need for it to be wonderful at all times. Especially if I’ve looked forward to it.
8. Being told what to do
This includes “like!” “share!” “follow me and I’ll follow you!” and even “get your feet off the seat”.
9. Social media oversharers
Including people who post children’s wee/poo/vomit/bleeding head wounds, anybody who posts bleeding anything wounds, attention-seeking vague status updates, and anybody’s sex life details unless they are Louie Knuxx.
I could go on. But I’d rather hear what annoys the hell out of you! Please tell me what gets your goat and let us all vent peacefully together.