Are friends! My track record finding and keeping some nice ones had always been pretty hit and miss, so after a while I never bothered. I like my own company anyway, and was never lonely.
Then one day about two months before Pepper was born, and Abby was 16 months old, I had an incredible urge to hang with other mums and natter about mum stuff while our babies played. I started looking up playgroups and things, and wondered if any of the day care mums could do with an extra friend around the place. But the biggest thing I turned to was social media – it’s so easy to put out a casual invitation to play, and to my great surprise, I was taken up on my offers.
I reconnected with old friends who I hadn’t seen in years, but now had babies of their own. Court and I used to party together when we were young’uns, drinking vodka and listening to punk and generally being menaces. We have five kids between us now, and we struggle to get through a cup of coffee and a whole sentence when we’re together, but it’s such an easy relationship, that it doesn’t bother us in the slightest. In fact, we embrace the chaos!
I found a friend in Caitlin when she commented on my blog a fair bit (and even won a giveaway back in the day with a hilarious fireman/Britney Spears/drunken nap story) and I noticed on her blog that we had similar interests and lived fairly close. I asked if she wanted to catch up, and now I love her so hard I might even bring her to Melbourne with me. She brought me food when I had Pepper, and has been such lovely company. She even brought me back hot sauce from her last trip to the US, and that means proper friends.
My friendship with Madi would raise the eyebrows of those who think the internet is a cesspit of danger – I suggested we play when we had been following each other on Instagram, and someone mentioned our children looked like twins. They totally did, and we met at a park a couple of weeks before peps was born. She was SO fun, and had similar parenting style to me, and after a while we realised our husbands had been super-good friends in high school. She is amazingly talented at creating and sewing, and I was even hanging around her stall at the markets on the day Pepper was born – I had been having those sorts of contractions since 2am, so I figured the walk around the markets would do me good. Our kids love each other so much.
I rarely saw the other mums at day care, as my kids were only there once a week, and I kept missing everyone at pick up and drop off. One day a little card was sitting in Abby’s locker – an invitation to play sometime as her little twin friends were moving to a new day care, and they wouldn’t see each other any more. I sent a text and said we’d love to play, and we even scored an invite to their second birthday a few months later. Katy and I work at the same university, and she often dares me to stand outside her window and dance (it’s a one-way window and I can’t see in!) and if I do, she’ll buy me coffee. She’s so fun (and so funny) and is another nice, relaxed mum who is awesome to talk to about everything from blogging to babies and everything in between. Only she runs marathons and I just can’t get into that. I’m genuinely going to miss her when I leave here, and was firmly in the “cons” list when I did a pro and con about going. It’s not fair to make such an amazing friend, then have to move away!
I have been reading Chantelle’s blog for years, and was (am!) always so inspired by her. Her blog was always cool, her content was always amazing, and I watched from afar. Sometimes we chatted, but we really started proper hanging out when we finally met on our way to the Whitsundays earlier this year. She was so smart, and so lovely, and so funny, and I was stoked she didn’t think I was a freaky internet nutcase. I mean, I AM, but I have my good points too! Now I don’t know what I’d do without her, I talk to her almost every day, and see her (and her incredibly adorable girls) whenever I can. She is the best person to ask for advice and to bounce ideas off, and has such a creative and big-ideas mind. I’m going to be sad leaving her behind too, but I know she’ll always be with me online. She can’t get rid of me that easily.
My list of online friends who I can always go to for advice or to share funny cat pictures or parenting woes is a post in itself. I have connected with the most incredible people and one day I will put them all here so you can love them too. The best part of these guys is they are always here in my computer, and no matter where I go, they’re never far away.
Did becoming a mum push you out of your comfort zone and make new friends? I dread to think of how lame the girls’ birthday parties would have been if I hadn’t reached out to others. Friends are wonderful things 🙂
Lisa Mckenzie says
October 24, 2013 at 12:37 pmYes it did Stacey I joined a playgroup one I actually liked and made some really good friends I still have today and you are not the only one with internet friends there is some lovely people out there isn’t there xx
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:23 pmI think I might look into a nice playgroup in Melbourne. I don’t want to miss out on all the fun!
Erin says
October 24, 2013 at 1:37 pmI am struggling with the make-mum-friends gig at the moment. I’ve always had friends through work and that’s kind of it. I’m going to my mother’s group, and I’m afraid they will see me as stalker-ish if I start wanting to catch up outside of the group, or feel like they are forced to say yes to a coffee catch up. It’s scary to put yourself out there!! So, if anyone wants to befriend a 30yo mum to a 7 month old who likes yoga, is trying to learn to run – like those fit ppl you see while you’re driving somewhere (within walking distance) – and crochet, currently living in a rental she can’t stand with dreams of building the house she always wanted with acres for food growing … and who seems to be talking about herself in the third person … let me know!!! xx
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:23 pmYou sound just like me! Except I loathe running. I think you should at least try the other mums thing at mothers group. I bet someone will feel the same way as you!
The Plumbette says
October 24, 2013 at 1:43 pmI love meeting new people and making new friends. Being apart of a church where other girls my age and older were having kids at the same time really helped. I keep in touch with two school friends and one has moved to Syndey. Thank goodness for Facebook and SMS to keep in contact despite the distance. This is such a feel good post and I’m so glad that you have found some great friends. I think blogging helps to find even more friends too.
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:22 pmI know, everyone was all “oh social media stops you from talking face to face!” but I’ve found it to be the opposite – I can keep in touch with people I hardly ever see. It’s ever so nice 🙂
gone_skiing says
October 24, 2013 at 2:01 pmHaha the Court catch ups so familiar! Catch up with other mums every friday yet feel like say not much more than hi 🙂 I’ve got Miss 4 going to kinder next year so I’ll be needing to spreading my social wings again and find Mr 2 some friends his age.
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:22 pmYes and I forgot to mention all our children are under three! it’s crazy. I bet Mr 2 will love some special friends just for him 🙂
SlapdashMama says
October 24, 2013 at 2:45 pmYes! It’s a great gift that comes as a surprise with parenthood!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:21 pmYou were a delightful surprise. I like you 🙂
Reannon Hope says
October 24, 2013 at 3:36 pmFriends are the best! When I had my first baby I just shy of my 21st birthday so none of my friends were having babies ( they were drunk & travelling the world). I decided to join a mothers group at my local health clinic. It was the best thing ever! Even though all the mums had a good 10 years on me & we had pretty much nothing but our babies in common we forged some great friendships. Sadly they haven’t lasted since I moved to Perth but its OK.
Now that I have one foot in the land of teens/tweens & one in the land of babies I often wonder if I should try & make some new friends with babies too so Blake has someone to play with & so I don’t bore all my other friends with baby stuff….
Lila Wolff says
October 24, 2013 at 3:55 pmThere are some awesome Perth mamas blogging (they’ve had at least one meet up) if you want me to give you some names let me know!
Reannon Hope says
October 24, 2013 at 6:19 pmLila that would be awesome!! I’ve found the woman so cliquey so have only made a really small ( teeny tiny ) group of friends. I find it so much harder to make friends as I’ve gotten older!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:21 pmI’m beginning to think I should have found a mothers’ group!
Lila Wolff says
October 24, 2013 at 3:53 pmAww this is lovely! It’s not so easy here (a bit cliquey) and too far from everyone else, but we survive the friends we do have are good ones even if the party guest lists are on the small side.
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:20 pmOh I hate cliques with the fire of a thousand suns.
Katie Rainbird says
October 24, 2013 at 4:15 pmI went along to my mothers group reluctantly & didn’t much enjoy it whilst it lasted but I did bond with & make 2 or 3 pretty good mates from it which was a blessing. Each of those top chicks have since moved out of area, biatches! But we stay in contact & that’s good too.
Online for me this year has been such a bonus for ‘meeting’ new women & chumming it up. 😀
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:20 pmOnline is the best. Seriously the best. I wouldn’t have you otherwise!
Sarah@SnippetsandSpirits says
October 24, 2013 at 4:33 pmIt is so great when you find some kindred spirits whom get you and you feel comfortable with. I like friends who can make me laugh also. You have done well to put yourself out there.
When I moved to Australia I was so unhappy I had no friends… poor me. Then I had kids and it all changed. Although I do like to hang out with friends who also don’t have kids for variety. Six degrees of separation with you and Madi!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:20 pmI’m interested to see how I’ll go making friends when I move. It’s not the easiest thing for me!
Sarah@SnippetsandSpirits says
October 28, 2013 at 3:42 pmYou will find your own way as you have done before.
Best of luck it’s exciting starting a new life at least you are doing it with your lil family.
Daneyl Green says
October 24, 2013 at 9:56 pmYes, becoming a Mum pushed me out of my comfort zone! I find it difficult to meet new people and make friends then we moved to a new town when my almost four year old was only 10 months so I was forced to get out and make new friends. I’d’ve gone mad without the support of the fab.mothers group I found!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:19 pmI can’t believe I thought I’d survive without the mama sisterhood!
Peta says
October 25, 2013 at 6:21 amMoving to the coast has pushed me out of my comfort zone after living in toowoomba all my life. I did email you as a potential new friend but then chickened out worrying I wasn’t cool enough to be your friend (as well as a little nervous to meet up with a stranger). I have found a friend in Katy (Potaty) when I decided to meet her for a san churro date and I’m so glad I did. We are like two peas in a pod. I’ve also started mothers group. It’s a little too early to see if there are any ‘real’ friends but lets hope so!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:19 pmI think it’s lovely you found someone to hang out with! And I think you’re very silly for not replying to me! I hope your mothers’ group works out, I’m beginning to wish I had one too 🙂
Peta says
October 28, 2013 at 8:05 pmI am indeed silly (but also a bit shy!)
Breanne Raffoul says
October 25, 2013 at 7:49 amI said to my hubby the other day “Stacey is moving down to melbourne soon and I told her on twitter we should hang. I’ve become one if those weird online people” he just starred at me and walked away. Hahaha but ey, it seems that is how you’ve become friends with people too, so maybe I’m not so crazy. Besides, I can offer you and the girls cake, an acre to run on and some sweet baby boy cuddles when he arrives in March! Xx
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:18 pmI am SO stoked that there’ll be a babeeeyyyy!
MotherDownUnder says
October 27, 2013 at 9:00 pmHow did I miss this post? Thank you! I love calling you a friend…a proper friend!
The mothers group thing never worked for me either…I am so lucky that I have been able to cobble together a great group of women who are both mothers and friends!
Veggie Mama says
October 28, 2013 at 1:17 pmI never went to one! I’m so terrible. But it’s much nicer to make sure people aren’t serial axe murderers online before hanging out as friends 🙂
missandmisters says
October 28, 2013 at 4:31 pmI love my girlfriends to death! Taking care of each other and supporting each other is one of the most important responsibilities and privileges we have (it’ll be our girlfriends with us when we’ve outlived our husbands and our kids are investing in their own marriages and kids!)
And I don’t know what I’d do without the internet. Some of my best girlfriends are a million miles away now, and the internet is our super handy bridge. Also, I’m so loving finding new women to connect with and share with online. Sometimes in real life my mouth just stops working, but I can always type something semi-coherent. 😉
Veggie Mama says
November 7, 2013 at 4:49 pmhaha yeah I’ve always been better at writing than speaking. I hope I find a lovely group of friends like what you’ve got, it sounds amazing 🙂
Sitdownmummy.com says
November 9, 2013 at 9:18 amYou do the best window crump.
I am so sad you are moving. I may sit down and cry about it like the twins do when A has to go home from a playdate. We have a stack of things to do before you go. x