Mercury Retrograde was already over (thank fuck), I wasn’t hormonal (I don’t think?)… I dunno, maybe it was the full moon or something. Either way, I woke up early and was NOT HAPPY JAN.
Usually if I wake up early I meditate and TRY to either go for a walk or do some yoga. This morning I just flopped around in bed feeling miserable af and not wanting to get up and do stuff. At all. Everything felt dreadful and I was over it before the day had already begun.
I dragged myself out of bed at the last possible minute, knowing I needed to change my attitude or the whole day would go down the drain. Kind of like how I’d woken up perfectly fine in the preceding days and then just watched them all go downhill. It didn’t seem like I could pull myself out of the doldrums as easy as I’d normally be able to, so I decided to just be kind to myself.
As Dr Seuss said:
When you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
is not easily done
I did NOT want porridge or cereal or toast for breakfast. I had scrambled eggs and a nice, hot cup of tea.
I did NOT want to be cold (it messes with my mood something shocking) so even though I try to tough it out usually without putting the heater on until I have t, I put the heater on.
I did NOT want to mope around in our miserable little cave kitchen (we live in a townhouse and the kitchen is at the back with zero windows) so I turned all the lights on to make it as bright and cheerful as I could.
I did NOT want to do things that stressed me out even though “obligations, work, blah blah need to get done and it’s more stressful if I don’t do it”, so I did some fun stuff and saved the headache for later when I could have a nice glass of wine with it.
Basically, I did not want to have to adult and make good choices all day. I did not want to be frugal or healthy or conscientious. I wanted to go to bed and read books and drink tea. So I compromised – I took my laptop to bed and got under the covers and worked from there (breaking another rule that the bedroom should be your sanctuary and you should never work in bed and also the rule that says you actually have to get up an function like a human in polite society not lay around all day).
We had hot chocolates for afternoon tea, and a very nice dinner indeed. I still felt pretty shit despite pockets of pure goodness during the day (an awesome email, a compliment at the school gate, preschooler hugs, that sort of thing) but I didn’t feel as shit as I would have if I’d chosen an appropriately healthy breakfast that I didn’t actually want but was good for me, and put on extra clothing (I was already wearing two jumpers AND a woollen poncho AND socks and slippers) instead of the heater, and kept the lights off because it’s daytime and surely I can survive, and worked during the (self)-appointed daily hours even though neither my head nor my heart was in it. I was having a small tanty and I allowed myself to do that and be coddled. Even if the person who was coddling me was myself.
And I woke up the next day and life went on.