A little while ago, Rachel from A Mother Far From Home emailed me and asked me some curly questions about my parenting. She was going to compile them so her readers could feel a little reassured that we’re all just trying to do our best, and that nobody is perfect.
I’m so imperfect I couldn’t even get my reply email back to her on time! I started answering her questions, then I got distracted, and before you know it, I hadn’t done my bit. Eep.
So in the interests of having a bit of a chat about parenting honestly, here are my answers. You can read everyone else’s here. I LOVE that picture of Rachel and her kids. That’s basically how I feel every day.
1. What part of motherhood and parenting do you feel really good at?
Nurturing, communicating effectively, being spontaneous, being fun, being present (most of the time) and not freaking out. Especially when they cover my house in 5 kilos of flour.
2. Where do you feel that you fall short?
I’m not very patient when I haven’t slept well (or am hungry, whoa), self restraint when frustrated, keeping the floor clean. I also suck at the work-at-home mother balance occasionally. Both ways – either working when I shouldn’t, nor not working when I should.
3. How do you overcome the plague that is mother guilt?
The only thing I feel guilty about is when I lose my temper, or something similar, and so I try to cut myself some slack. Two toddlers would drive anyone to breaking point eventually! I just apologise, make amends and move on. I don’t feel guilty about taking time out for me, or for working, or anything of that nature. I am an attentive, caring, nurturing mother who occasionally goes out without her kids and works from home two days a week.
4. On your deathbed, what do you want to be able to say you taught your kids?
To feel the fear and do it anyway while living and letting live. And how to make an excellent cup of tea.
What would your answers to these questions be?
1. What part of mothering are you good at?
Walking a mile in their shoes and feeling it from their perspective – trying to remember what it was like at their age. Nurturing – I think I’m pretty good at making my girls feel loved and understood.
2. Where do I fall short?
Perhaps not listening enough and letting them working it out. I want to jump right in and fix EVERYTHING for them.
3. How do I overcome guilt?
I don’t, plain and simple I feel the guilt all the time. I try to reason with myself and sometimes it works for a second, but that’s just me, guilt-ridden about everything.
4. What do I want to be able to say that I taught my kids?
To be kind to others, try not to judge and always try to see something from another’s perspective.
I’m sure that once I post this I will think of a kazillion other things I could have said but this is me now at 7am on a Wednesday morning.
Thanks for the post, Stacey, always love them. xo
ooh I’m wondering how much I will meddle when I think I can fix things. I’m pretty good at letting them find their own way, but if I CAN make their lives easier, SHOULD I? only time will tell!
Love this, Stacey!!! And imperfect is the new perfect so you are all good on that one 🙂 But honestly I need to learn about the no guilt and beating myself up because I think it makes for more peaceful parenting!
I’ve never been perfect, why start now?!
Totally ace! You know I’ve never actually looked outside of myself to look in, so thanks for making me take a break & think about myself, my parenting & my kids (even if I am still in my jimmy jams & have rice cereal stuck in my hair at 10.30am)…so here are my answers:
1. What part of motherhood and parenting do you feel really good at?
– getting down to their level & trying to see things from their point of view, trying to understand that when Karen on Playschool painted a picture of tree, that it is important to them (even thought I don’t really care & would have at least like to have come out of the toilet before being told this). Also, I think I’m good at feeding them, teaching him about food & how to cook & grow it. Also, I love to hold his hand & take him on big walks & we chat, make up jokes and learn about watching for cars in driveways.
Oh no, I wanted to hear the rest!
ahhh, I see that the comments wouldn’t let me answer any more questions! Ok then, I’ll go have a shower & have a cup of tea instead!
So true! I think the perfection in parenting is the imperfections and recognising it. Letting go of the idea of ‘perfect’ is I think one of the best lessons we can teach our kids. It’s important they see that we are human and yes, we make mistakes but it’s ok, we keep on going and that’s life. I think there is a danger for them to realise one day that their ‘perfect’ parent isn’t that ‘perfect’ and to see a parent fall off that pedestal can have a much deeper impact, not to mention a lot of pressure for us as parents. Loving your kids unconditionally is being a perfect parent.
Sounds good to me!
Even though we don’t know each other IRL from what I read here you are a great mama & i really admire your parenting style.
Here are my answers-
1. I think I’m good at showing my kids it’s OK if you don’t fit in. They are always telling me I’m ” so weird” & I always tell them I’m OK with that, I like it. I think I’m good at building their confidence too. I’m not the mum that tells them everything they do is awesome but I do always tell them the things they do well & how proud I am of them.
2. I have no patience. Even before I had two babies in 12 months I had very little patience. I have even less now because um NO SLEEP!
3. Guilt consumes me. I sit up at night going over the areas of mothering I think I’ve stuffed up. I have such high expectations of myself I constantly think I’m letting them down. So yeah, I don’t overcome it. Ever.
4. I want to be able to say I’ve taught my kids to be comapssionate, to always see the good in people even when you have to dig a little deeper to find it & I want them to believe in themselves.
WEEELLLLLLL how’s about you model compassion to them by being compassionate to yourself?! do you really think that consuming guilt is useful? Dude. You need to CTFD. I think you’re doing a rad job. I can barely function on this sleep, I can only imagine how brutal it is for you. Go easy on yourself x
Thanks. I try to CTFD, I really do but I think when you solo parent for huge chunks of time you think you’ve got to be everything. Plus when you’re tired all the time you can’t think straight so I’m probs just acting nuts lol
I think you’re amazing x
I really like your first answer – that’s something I’d like to be able to do more- to be a better social role model, that it’s okay to be different, etc.
I just don’t want them to think they have to do what everyone else is doing you know?
Mother is the best person for a child.All the people talking about this and give nice comments.I only said that this is a great post..megaupdate24
There are days where I think I could be better as a mum and other days where I feel content with my mothering technique. My patience has certainly been stretched and I try not to yell and lose my temper when the tantrums or disobedience hit but there are days where I do lose it. Thankfully my Esther easily forgives when I apologise and I love it when she apologises to me for not obeying me or misbehaving.
Isn’t it funny… it goes in waves. Not everyone has a perfect day every day, but sometimes we really knock it out of the park. I think if we’re doing our best, that’s all anyone can ask of us.
Oh yes…the curse of the hangry mother…it is especially bad now that I am preggers…I have literally said to C, “Not now, I am pregnant and I am starving.”
Gurl, been there… totally understand!
How to make an excellent cup of tea is important! I love how open you were, thank you <3
They will be required to leave home if they cannot master this skill.
I think one of my better mothering skills would fall in to the territory of kinda generally being a dork, though I think that more a design than skill! There’s a lot of slapstick and really bad humour (mine…) in our house, Daggy Dancing and a tendency to embarrass myself in public but amuse the kids (like when they put fruit stickers on my bum and I go out). I hope I can say that I taught my children to live compassionately and treat people well.
Haha that’s a quality I admire! I LOVE a goofball. And am very much looking forward to wearing macaroni necklaces.
What a great post – and at such an appropriate time for me as I ponder the thought of bringing another being into our family and how I will be able to juggle it all… Even though I would like four down the track..two seems so daunting.
Oh and do you mind if I use this post as a springboard for my own post? I will link through to your post of course…
Great Post!. I’d have to get my wife to see this or send her a link. Good info for parent to be! Thanks for sharing.
Sam from http://www.gistheadlines.com/category/blog/
There is no compare with anything with mom. All of the children love their mother. Because of all of the responses on mom from small to until up to 20 years. I love my mom. your post is great.