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My baby is going to school and I of course feel completely rubbish about it

October 20, 2017 by Stacey 11 Comments

Pepper-six-days-blog

The day is drawing near that my last baby begins transition to school and I’m a complete wet rag about the whole thing.

Teared up on several occasions standing in a prep classroom during prep transition info night? Check. Extra tears upon the thought of her not being able to open her lunchbox? Check.

Staring wistfully at mums taking toddlers home after school dropoff? Check.

Worrying that she won’t jump into school as eagerly as her older sister and will need a bit of extra help? Check.

Feeling guilty any time anything takes me away from spending time with her because time is running out so fast? Check.

Wondering if I have fully been present these last six years with babies at home because I’ll never get this time again and did I waste any of it and should I have let them watch less tv and do more craft and did I work too much and we totally should have gone to the museum a lot more and why can’t I remember everything clearly because endless days at home with little kids just blend into each other but all I have to go on is a vague sense of panic I didn’t do enough? Checkcheckcheckcheckcheckcheckkkkkkkk.

I’ve really enjoyed this phase of my life and while I wouldn’t say I’m having a hard time letting go, I would definitely say I’m having emotions as this transition to a new phase happens. EMOTIONS. BIG ONES. It is an ending of sorts, and while they always come with new beginnings, I’m just aware it will take a little getting used to. Theoretically I know everything will be fine and we’ll adjust as you do (and she’s been fully comfortable running around this school and its inhabitants for two years now, so acclimatising isn’t a concern), but right now the feeeelings are a bit of a struggle. It’s not even that my children will be elsewhere six hours a day five days a week, but that I’ve not made the most of the time I was given. But I had to? I’m sure I did? I just don’t remember it!

I think I will just have to try and flip it around and think of things to look forward to instead of mourning what is over, and perhaps go easy on myself for the parenting job done so far. I’m definitely over-thinking it but try telling my brain to chill. I’m not usually one for self-flagellation (life’s too short and worrying gives you wrinkles am I right or am I right), but this topic seems to be a new favourite thing with which to torture myself. Suggestions welcome for pleasant distractions once school starts. I vote getting a dog and writing a book… what are your thoughts? (the eating of salty carbs is a fantastic recommendation, too. In fact I’ll probably do that most).

*stares moodily out the window*

Filed Under: Motherhood

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Erin says

    October 20, 2017 at 11:50 am

    I feel the same way, except it’s my first baby who is about to start school 😭 I already feel like she doesn’t get enough of me (being the eldest) and now I’m going to see her even less 😫. Get a dog, get a dog!

    Reply
    • Stacey says

      October 20, 2017 at 4:14 pm

      We’re really tough on ourselves, huh x

      Reply
  2. Maxabella says

    October 20, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    I had none of the feels until about 6 months in. Then I was FLOODED with buyer’s remorse and wanted a full refund. Alas, the had a no returns policy.

    Reply
    • Stacey says

      October 20, 2017 at 4:20 pm

      See, that’s the smart way to do it. Cuts the emotional torture down by at LEAST half. I’ve gone about this totally ass-backwards haha

      Reply
  3. Tina Lacy says

    October 20, 2017 at 6:23 pm

    I can’t believe she is nearly going to school, she was just in your belly at the market what feels like last week ago. I often think it doesn’t get easier it just gets different. I think you have done an amazing job thus far and she will be just fine and if she isn’t she will be because you have her back x

    Reply
  4. Amy@MoreTimeThanMoney says

    October 21, 2017 at 6:37 am

    My one and only baby just started school – so emotional. He handled the whole thing so smoothly. My husband and I on the other hand, completely knocked off kilter!

    Reply
  5. Linda says

    October 21, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    It’s a tough transition. Remember, you have been there through the days from baby to school. You won’t have regrets only happy memories of those days that at the time seem to go on forever. Now a new stage. Yes to the book and dog and enjoy the salty snacks. Xx

    Reply
  6. Reannon says

    October 23, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    I am feeling this from all angles- biggest just finished school & I worry for his future. Will he find a job? What about further study? How do I navigate mothering an adult child? How did it all go so fast??? And then my littlest starts kindy next year. its 5 days a fortnight but she’s still in the big school, living their routine & wearing the uniform!! Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! And then Blake starts full time school next year & has to move to another campus ( that’s just how the LDC runs ). More change!! It should be illegal to have to go through all that emotional trauma in such a short space of time. May the force be with us lady xx

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. When you know, you know | Veggie Mama says:
    December 3, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    […] the podcast, three weeks of school, a garden that is either frying or waterlogged, feeeelings about next year, some behind-the-scenes stuff about what I actually even want to do with my life (I can tell you I […]

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  2. State of the Union Address 2018 | Veggie Mama says:
    January 8, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    […] is a big year for us, with Smalls heading off to school (more on that later) and some projects I’d like to complete by December 31. Who knows, this […]

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  3. Just to get it all out, what's in my head | Veggie Mama says:
    February 6, 2018 at 2:03 pm

    […] all of you asking (so many folks checked in on me on the day – thank you! I got pulled up at the school gate […]

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